Autism diagnosis - 53 years in the making

[DJ-Daz]

I originally wrote this in 2021
Last year Youtube recommended a video by a British psych professor Tony Attwood, now living in Australia.
The title is, Could it be Asperger's?

I watched it, riveted, and then watched a load more over the next few weeks. I think I also read almost half the internet and gleaned as much information as I could about Asperger syndrome.

I asked my doctor for an Asperger's assessment, and 10 months later it was declined by a psychologist. Some time ago I told a GP that mirtazipine was sort of working for me because it helped me sleep when I was feeling depressed and a little manic.

Because of this the assessment was declined.

Sure the anti-depressants don't work, and mirtazipine does, but only because it makes you sleep, and when you suffer with depression sleep is a serious issue, if you can sleep, the stranglehold is weakened or even released. This is the only reason it works for me.

So the psychologist took this to mean I don't have AS. Not very professional really is it?

An assessment usually takes 2-4 hours with lots and lots of questions being asked, and the possibility of covertly being watched in public.
Now in kids it's far easier, they don't have the ability or have learned to socialise, even to a low degree, so it's easier to spot and diagnose.

Adults on the other hand have a lifetime of learning and adapting, sometimes really well, sometimes really badly.

Also not everyone with AS rocks back and forth when stressed, but sometimes they do it in a rocking chair, or office chair that swivels and rocks. So it's all hidden. Not everyone speaks in a monotone voice.

But everyone with AS has a trait, being able to talk for ages about an obsession. These obsessions are normally high-end, technical and beyond most people. Things like computers, music, the internet and much much more that is normally beyond normal people. They also play videogames very intensely. With a passion or obsession.

They also have a lifetime of depression, and more sinister, a feeling that they don't belong to the human race. Like they are an alien implanted into a human, but no knowledge of this.
Fitting in feels impossible.

Now some adults are typical "aspies" with all the childhood symptoms and even gifts like Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man. Some are high-functioning and appear normal, but they "brute-force" their way through all their social issues by using their intelligence.

It's this group of adults that are really difficult to assess, because they've learned to deal with their weakness's.
It's this group that I think I am in, another trait, anti-depressants don't work on "aspies", their brains work in a very different way.

I have suffered with depression as far back as I can remember, and that includes being taken to pre-school, nursery school for the really oldies, by my dad, and I remember that I HATED it and never went again. All the way through school I'd run away and go home, even as an infant! My mum had to hand me over to a teacher, but as soon as their back was turned I'd be off. I'd usually make it home before my mum did. Like I said this happened all the way through school. Except high school, the teachers were constantly on strike during my time, and most day's I wouldn't even go. When I did, I fucking HATED it with a passion.

Any way this is getting very long, and my overall idea is that I have aspergers. But I can't get an assessment. I can pay for one, but that usually cost's £1,000 - £2,000 so it's not happening any time soon.

** EDIT 3 years later and ...! **
The gatekeepers used to be psychiatrists, only they could put you forward for an assessment. Things have changed. Now a GP can put you forward for an assessment, then you write a small essay and answer some simple questions. This is then put forward to the assessment centre, and they decide if they want to see you.
I was accepted within 7 days of my submission. Though it will take up to 8 months for the assessment day.

My experience of the health service is well below par, a psychiatrist I have never met nor ever spoken too decided that 1. Mirtazipine works for me, and 2. I make good eye contact.
On the second point, I spoke to the local crisis team who assessed me as not being urgent or even requiring a follow up, they told me to go away and read a book by Liel Lowndes. WTF? Not only that, but they were two young female students, both were incredibly attractive as I recall, and because of this I was further intimidated and just wanted to get out of that room as fast as humanly possible. Yet another sign ignored.

Expanding further.
The pretty students were eating their lunch, I spent no more than 5 minutes in the room, yet their observations of "good eye contact" was enough to stall my assessment for 10 years. A psychiatrist I've never met, took an observation from 2 students eating dinner at the same time as assessing my needs.
YES IT PISSES ME OFF!

[DJ-Daz]

Courtney Mermaid autism discovery video.

[DJ-Daz]

Autistic traits in adults.

[DJ-Daz]

64 more autistic traits

[DJ-Daz]

OMG, one of the doubts I have about my own autism diagnosis is meltdowns.
I've just discovered there are two types of meltdown:
1. Explosion
2. Implosion
As I implode and I thought auties explode, this lead to me doubt myself. Now I know it's another brick removed from my wall of doubt.

[DJ-Daz]

When I talk to people.
So you and I are face to face, having a chat. We've just met, we don't know one another. For me to be able to be coherent I go through a sort of script in my head, so for the most part we can converse.
But catch me out and I will completely flake out.

For example, yesterday I met with a job advisor who works within the NHS to help me get a job based on my "focus", we had a 20 minute meeting, all was fine, the meeting concluded, and we walked outside, I was going home, she was going out to vape. She explained that she's not supposed to vape in front of me, completely catching me off guard, and for the next 2 minutes as we spoke I had no idea how to respond. I "flaked out" and was basically one or two word answers. I didn't know what to say because my script didn't cover it.

[DJ-Daz]

64 common traits of autism.

1. Poor eye contact
2. Trouble reading facial expressions
3. sensory sensitivities, touch, taste, smell, see, hear
4. Social anxiety
5. literal thinking (raining cats and dogs)
6. Abstract thinking. Money and time etc.
7. Difficulty with transitions/ change in routine
8. difficulty with change/ sudden unexpected change
9. need a routine to feel comfortable
10. Struggle with social cues

11. small talk is hard
12. understanding sarcasm
13. humour can be hard
14. trouble understanding other peoples feelings
15. emotional regulation, are you upset easily
16. impulse control
17. strong interest in specific topics, computers, trains, music (DJ'ing)
18. Executive function, managing time/tasks
19. prioritising tasks
20. challenges making decisions

21. problem solving is hard
22. hard to multitask
23. taking turns, when is it my turn, is it now
24. sharing things
25. joint attention, focusing on the same thing as someone else
26. role playing with others
27. challenges with social activities
28. Difficulties Play or work well with others
29. Work rest or play alone, are you a loner
30. Self regulate emotions

31. Self awareness
32. self monitoring
33. low self esteem
34. Self advocacy, can you speak for yourself
35. Hard starting conversations
36. hard maintaining conversations
37. when to end a conversation
38. body language is hard to read or use body language
39. monotone voice
40. inflection in your voice

41. volume control, do you speak loudly/softly especially when excited
42. intonation, pitch and speed of speech
43. I think I missed one or got confused with the two above
44. Prosody or rhythm, volume control, melody all combined
45. articulation, can you get your message across
46. vocabulary limited, retrieval or highly expanded vocabulary
47. grammar is hard
48. syntax is hard, can you arrange a sentence
49. semantics, proper language interpretation
50. echolalia, repeating words

51. facial recognition is poor
52. central coherence. Do you see the big picture
53. intense interests
54. sensory seeking behaviour
55. hypo-sensitivity do you seek sensations or find temperature and pain lacking
56. poor coordination
57. fine motor skills are HARD
58. gross motor skills are hard, so big things like running or jumping is hard
59. balance is hard
60. spacial awareness

61. deeper spacial awareness, accident prone
62. visual processing of visual info
63. auditory processing, lectures or verbal instructions are hard
64. Tactile processing is hard.

[DJ-Daz]

[DJ-Daz]

Signs of Autism in adults.


Do you have any of these signs? I have them all.

[DJ-Daz]

Sights and sounds OVERLOAD for autistics.
Warning, this can be very very stressful to watch.